Midlife Crisis Day 5

Midlife Crisis at 30
pgs 100-101

Julie, 33 years old
Stay-at-home mom
Roswell, Georgia

Stay-at-home moms can be some of the most intense, ambitious women on the planet. I should know, because I just quit the playgroup from hell!

When I was working, I had lots of friends at the office, but I found it was a lot harder to find stay-at-home moms I could talk to about un-baby-related things. When I stumbled into this playgroup, I really thought I had hit the jackpot...

At first, I was thrilled to get their advice. These women seemed to know what they were doing ....

It didn't take long for me to realize these mothers were a little over the top. They became weirdly competitive over things like new teeth and crawling. When Aiden said his firs word, I swear to God, Dianna was gloating. An then there was the pressure to join a million classes. I have always been a "joiner," a doer, but this was ridiculous. There was Mommy and me, Baby Gymboree, Water Babies, Baby Yoga, and Baby Sign Language - all this before Maddy was even a year old! I had not dealt with this kind of intensity since cheerleading tryouts in high school.

It was my husband who figured it out first-these moms had channeled into childrearing all of the ambition and competive energy that had oncemade them rising stars in the corporate world. They loved their kids, but on some fundamental level, they saw motherhood as a job and their babies became the Big Account.

...here I was, with Maddy all the time and constantly feeling guilty that I was not doing enough. The whole point of my staying at home was to simplify our lives - but the baby and I were busier than ever. No matter what I did, I felt like we were behind, and I started to question whether I was a good mother.....

(after reading Dr. Spock) .... it finally sunk in: I do know what I am doing and if I don't, I will figure it out. That's when I realized that I didn't need all of the advice from those moms. I am doing just fine on my own.

Now, I'm finally starting to enjoy the rhythms of life at home with Madison. I'm looking for a new playgroup, with mothers to whom I can relate. We quit a bunch of classes, too. The baby can't tell the difference, and I am feeling less sleep deprived....

Boomer women said they would bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. It's time for us younger mothers to just be honest and say "we can't do it all. We're just too tired."

Amen.